Missing Link

Hangover in Scrubs



Posted: Wednesday, May 14, 2008

by

Apartments are a strange place to live. My apartment is on the bottom floor and the guy upstairs walks a lot. I think he wears those heavy deep sea diver boots when he is at home. I'm almost sure that he jogs within the four walls because he's almost always in motion. I used to think he jogged around and around actually, I now know that he jogs to and from the fridge for beers. Each morning I hear him dumping his dozen or more green glass empties into the recycle bin out back. They fall with a tinkling crash which I think is unwise the morning after a binge. Even for me, at the other end of the building and inside my apartment, it is an auditory pain in the ear. But maybe he's already done the "hair-of-the-dog" thing. I'm thinking I could make my rent if I turned those bottles in for the deposit. Him drinking so much beer doesn't bug me except that I notice his hearing gets worse as the evenings roll along and his stereo system volume incrementally increases to the level of a Rolling Stone's concert. My main complaint is that he has never offered to share any of his suds, so I guess he doesn't have any to spare. The guy is in the medical field so I'm confident he knows what he's doing.

It must be almost the end of allergy season. The grass is almost all gone brown and the trees are not as brilliant green as when they first leaf out so I'm hoping for relief soon. I get clogged up easily so I have to be cautious about riding my bike on windy days. I saw a unique device on Oprah one day being demo'd by some "Opra-ites" (i.e., Ophrah Adherents/Groupies/Sycophants) under the direction of Oprah's resident scrub-wearing doctor. Do all medical people wear scrubs because they are like work-pajamas, or because they're cheap clothing, or because they all want to look like doctors? I have ever seen any of these green or blue-scrub-clad persons racing, sterile hands lifted in front of them, to a surgery room. They are always poking around in a gift store or in waiting in line at the taco shop with an official picture ID around their neck (or carrying a 12 pack upstairs). I don't want taco droppings or Heineken labels on the scrubs of my surgeon when my appendix is being removed. It seems all a little unsanitary to me but I digress. The device on Oprah was a ceramic pot with a long spout. This pot is filled up with water and salt and then you basically put the spout into your nostril. Then you tilt your head to one side and pour water through your sinuses. Half of the water goes into one nostril and then half through the other. The water simply pours out through the downstream nostril. The Opra-ites declared that this procedure had changed their lives. No more sinus trouble, clear breathing, allergies relieved, visions of the Virgin Mary, all of that. So I thinks to myself self, why not mosey out and buy thee one of these miracle nose potties? Well, sometimes meself is not so energetic about new ideas and not being fond of salt water nasal flushes at Huntington Beach when I was a body surfing infant, I decided to allow the idea to percolate. Well as luck would have it one day I'm in a natural food store looking for a healthy snack food before I go to McDonalds and there in the glass case before my very nose is just the item I'd probosticated about (!) Anyone who shops knows that only the valuable stuff is kept in glass cases so I knew it had to be good. I bought an attractive blue one (who wants an unattractive color ceramic pot up their nose?) and also a little jar of purified salt of some sort, no iodine or additives. The salt even came with a little spoon which I wasn't sure was all that kosher being that this pure white stuff was going up my nose; albeit in water. Anyway, I have been pouring water through my sinus cavities each morning and each evening faithfully ever since. While I can't testify to any life-changing miracles; I can say this, it has made the pollen season more tolerable. I have had less congestion, no sinus infections and I don't wake up in the morning feeling like I have an enormous wad of cotton in my sinuses. A few items of caution; 1) the water temperature needs to be warm, like the porridge in the three bears, not too hot and not too cold. Ever experience a brain freeze drinking a Slurpie at 7-11? Enough said. 2) The water doesn't pour through nicely if your sinuses are obstructed by lots of horrible stuff. At times like that I find that if I close my downstream nostril and sniff a bit, I can still get some benefit. 3) It is not at all uncomfortable (with the right water temp), it does not make you feel like you are drowning, and if anything horrible drains out with the water, I've never noticed it.

These days I do whatever I can to stay healthy and out of the doctor's or dentist's office. So the nasal flushing, eating right (mostly), flossing, and trips to the gym are all part of my routine. There is a lot to be said about living in a detached house with neighbors more than a thin wall away, but it is instructive living so close to people. Sometimes I'm simply thankful to have a wall between us. At other times it's nice to be reminded that preventive medicine is a better option than treatment delivered by a hangover in scrubs.

http://crankyblog.com

Just a simple curmudgeon observing life in the USA.  Cranky posts to his blog regularly at http://crankyblog.com.

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